YOU.0: Some Assembly Required

Issue #198 | December 28, 2023

Yay, it’s almost time for the season’s best non-denominational holiday: New Year’s Eve. And with it, prerequisite New Year’s Resolutions. In the future, our mutant great-grandchildren (powered by Grok) will convey via Neuralink to Gen X AE A-XV (the autonomous driverless tanks with human souls generation) about the funny trick humans liked to play on themselves because they were bored in the dark and cold, and there were still seasons to have affected disorders about.

And it’s true: Resolutions are ultimatums without consequences. OKRs without a review process. It’s a promise you can make to yourself now about some future, better self – a You.0(™) if you will – and there’s zero cost besides the residual shame and depression that carries over like an FSA premium. Why is it that when we talk about fresh starts and clean slates, our first instinct is to saddle ourselves with all these hyper-regimented rules and goals made by OLD You?

We treat resolutions like the obligatory annual iPhone trade-in, which still ends up costing us $450 upfront and $30 a month on an installment plan till the next millennia or until the sun burns out. (Whichever comes first. Void where prohibited.)

It’s not surprising that every year, we as creators – or just as people, really – are always looking to upgrade to the latest, shiniest version of ourselves. One with faster processing power, a longer battery life, and the ability to filter out sensitive content before it registers in our psyche. Powered by AI, the You.0(™) will absorb salient information without having to read a whole article or listen to a whole podcast. This year, we’ll have Productivity Mode, with customizable options for FOCUS and SLEEP.

THE COMMENTS SECTION

“I’m making it my New Year’s resolution to like videos more on YouTube! I for some reason held my YT likes as a “sacred ground” or something, but that makes no sense and just restricts me from supporting content creators.”
—VTuber Codename: Orion (@Codename_Orion) on helping creators more in 2024.

You’ll be so in tune with your body, constantly monitoring every vital, but like, in this totally non-intrusive way where you barely have to think about it. Come January 1st, we will wake up to find that we no longer have to check a watch to tell us that we should drink water or stand up for ten minutes. (Which is great because who knows how long we’ll have the new Apple Watches back in stock.)

Where am I going with all this? Don’t worry, I’ve got you. This year, as creators, I want us all to make one resolution: to no longer treat ourselves as disposable products. There’s only one You(™): a one-of-one, Grailed limited release that will never be reissued.

Extremely Chuck Palahniuk voice: You are not your follower count, your likes, your streamable hours, your comment section. You are not a product, you are not a process. You were not made to optimize an algorithm or maximize monetization. You are not expendable; there’s no warranty coverage on you. When you crack, no one is going to come reassemble you or your money back.

You are a human, flawed and imperfect and not always logical – hence why you’re making these resolutions in the first place – and there’s no overnight system update to be a better person. Take it one step at a time…and don’t worry about closing the ring. For now, at least, there’s still tomorrow.

– Drew Grant, Managing Editor

NOTED BY LON HARRIS

The Best, Worst, and Most Oddly Compelling Content That Hit Our Screens This Year

A final farewell to 2023.

By Lon Harris, Passionfruit Contributor

→ READ THE FULL STORY

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IN THE BIZ

If you’re a reactor who watches things on Amazon Prime Video, then you should be aware of this. Amazon will introduce ads on Jan. 29, 2024, but you can opt for an ad-free experience by paying an additional $2.99 per month on top of your current subscription.
According to StreamElements’ “State of the Stream” report, Twitch saw Kai Cenat become its top streamer in 2023, ending xQc’s three-year streak. Ironmouse was the most-watched female streamer and the only woman in the top 100.
A recent Business Insider/YouGov survey revealed that YouTube is the most trusted social media platform among adult Gen Zers (aged 18-26), with 59% considering it trustworthy. It was followed by Instagram with 40%. Facebook and TikTok were viewed as untrustworthy by a majority of this demographic, influenced by various controversies and security concerns associated with these platforms.
California State Senator Steve Padilla introduced the “Child Content Creator Rights Act,” requiring California content creators featuring minors in over 30% of their material to allocate a portion of earnings into a trust for the minors.

CULTURE

All Our Brains Are Rotting

Are we generation brain-rot?

By Charlotte Colombo, Passionfruit Contributor

READ THE FULL STORY →

woman with goldfish and clocks in the background

TIPS & TRICKS

Demystifying Influencer Laws: A Legal Guide for Content Creators

Practical guidance from a legal expert to help you confidently maneuver the complexities of influencer laws.

By Veronica Ramirez, Passionfruit Contributor

READ THE FULL STORY →

WHAT WE’RE WATCHING

The Normies reacted to 2001’s “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” for the first time.
Badd Medicine watched 1971’s “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”
The Media Knights reacted to 2017’s “Logan” for the first time.
Shanelle Riccio watched 1997’s “Starship Troopers.”

YOUTUBE MADE ME DO IT

Even MrBeast can sometimes get scammed, as YouTuber Coffeezilla exposes in a new 30-minute documentary about merch company Revolt (and its alleged sex creep manager, Ryan Piasente).