Trump's Verdict Fleetingly Resurrects Old Twitter Vibes

Issue #242 | May 30, 2024

Like other canon events in human history, today’s unprecedented conviction of former President Donald Trump of 34 felony accounts — all arising from his falsifying business records to hide hush-money payments made to adult film star Stormy Daniels back in 2016– will be remembered by those who lived it through the lens of their personal experience. What you were doing when you saw 9/11? (Dashing across the narrow catwalk suspended over my high school’s bizarrely conceived open-air atrium while two gigantic Yoshiba TVs played the footage of the second plane hitting the tower a dizzying 50 feet below.) When the OJ verdict came down? (Homeroom in middle school, we’ve gone over this already; we got the day off.) Where were you when Obama was elected; what you were doing when you hard about Kennedy and his brain worms. (Sitting in the Huffington Post offices in NYC watching Stephen Colbert cry and sorting Pokemon cards in my home office in Los Angeles, respectively).

Today, during this historical conviction of its first former president (and current presumptive Republican nominee running this year), I was crying in the bathroom where I’d been stuck for the last two hours with a nasty stomach and a phone battery at 3%.

And what a time to run out of juice while literally having the runs. Because Twitter, for the briefest of moments, was back, baby. And to honor that, I just want to use this space today to just give tribute to the hilarious, giddy tidal wave of sentiment that even Elon couldn’t stem today. An old-school tweet round-up, if you will. Those used be a thing, right?

Like the trial itself, these tweets are capsules of a bittersweet moment in time: a reminder of a bygone era of social media, back when comedy was still legal, blue check marks actually meant something, and the only forever chemical was Hope.

THE COMMENTS SECTION

“I personally want to congratulate Donald Trump for finally winning a popular vote.”
– X user F*** You I Quit on Donald Trump’s conviction.

“‘Home Alone 2: Lost in New York’ star Donald Trump has been found guilty in 34 felony counts.” – @DiscussingFilms

“So is trump cooked now? Or is it like Air Bud logic where it’s like ‘there ain’t no rule says a man with 34 criminal convictions can’t be president” – @ZachSilberberg

“You just can’t falsify multiple business documents anymore due to woke” – @hannahgais

“Damn we’re about to have the first fully remote president” – @samlymatters

“Wait this seems too good to be true why is James Marsden on the jury.” – @AmyMiller

“Trump executed.” – @TheOnion

– Drew Grant, Editorial Director

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IN THE BIZ

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After initially failing to appear and objecting to the subpoena, Elon Musk has agreed to testify in the SEC’s investigation into potential securities law violations related to his $44 billion acquisition of Twitter (now X).
Instagram has introduced new measures to protect teen users, including expanded content restrictions, prompts to encourage more private interactions, and advanced safety features to limit exposure to harmful content.
Discord is enhancing its platform with a faster, more powerful app, a refreshed visual identity, and new features to better support gaming communities, developers, and cross-platform play, aiming to make it easier for users to connect and engage.