Every now and again, the internet grasps a buzzword so tight, it has white knuckles. Metaphorical knuckles, that is, but you get the point. We’ve had “clean girl”, “dark academia,” and even levels of prettiness dictated by animals: namely “fox pretty,” “cat pretty,” “deer pretty”, and “bunny pretty.”
Most recently, TikTok and beyond have been obsessed with the concept of “brat summer” (particularly in relation to Kamala Harris), but even that is so last week. Now, TikTokers are all about being “very demure, very mindful,” in a trend that’s semi-ironic but also a further example of how we have no idea how to process femininity on TikTok.
What is “very demure, very mindful”?
The trend was started by creator Jools Lebron, who, on August 2, made a video on how to be “demure” at work. “See how I come to work?” she says in the satirical clip. “Very demure. I do my makeup. I lay my wig. I do a little braid. I flat iron my hair. I do chi chis out. I do Viral Vanilla. Very demure, very mindful. Let’s not forget to be demure, divas.”
Since posting this clip, Lebron has posted dozens of other TikToks about how to live in a “demure” way, with numerous of them going viral. Data from Google Trends shows that interest in the term “demure” has rapidly multiplied over the past 14 days.
Now, creators are all trying to get a slice of the “demure” pie. Over 3,000 TikTokers have used the sound from Lebron’s initial video to present their own take on the “demure” trend, while countless news outlets have been writing explainers on this viral TikTok moment.
The most interesting thing about this trend, however, is how it seems to be a retaliation to the much-documented rise of “tradwives” and creators pedaling more “traditional” ideas of femininity. It also feels like a stark contrast to not only “brat summer,” but also “hawk tuah,” which, while entertaining, is pretty difficult to do “demurely.”
On TikTok, it feels like the pendulum is constantly swinging between rejecting these traditional ideas of femininity, to embracing them, to mercilessly satirizing them. Eventually, perhaps, we will reach a middle ground. But while we wait, I’ll continue to write articles very demurely, and very mindfully.
